Saving Janavi

Janavi
Janavi before she got sick

 

❀SAVING  JANAVI

 ❥ Please help us find 350 people able to give $100, so that we can reach our goal ❥

I am taking care of my sister Janavi who has been ill and in terrible pain for 6 years. She has been diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, Cachexia (wasting), and Abdominal Adhesions which we think are actually systemic.  During much of her illness she weighed under 100 pounds.  Now she is getting worse.  Because of the intensity of her pain, she shakes badly and can barely eat even when she is very hungry.  She weighs 93 pounds.  I am afraid that she is going to die.

♥︎paypal.me/pools/c/87lRidKXWt 

Janavi has no pain relief because she gets dangerous reactions to most pain meds. She is still looking for a solution. She has never given up.  She wants so badly to just have a normal life and do things for herself.  Except for going to the Emergency Room, she hasn’t been outside for over a year.

My goal:

❥ We want to find ways to substantially reduce Janavi’s pain.  Janavi and I have worked hard to make her life bearable.  But her symptoms are racing ahead of us.  She is rapidly getting worse and we need to find more help as fast as possible.

❥ We want to start a CrowdMed  account for her. CrowdMed uses crowd sourcing to help diagnose and cure patients who can’t afford a team of specialists.  Since Janavi’s situation is becoming increasingly desperate I want to sign her up for their top-level plan.  This will cost $2,996 for four months.
❥ We believe she absolutely has to get some serious genetic testing.

She is struggling with her current expenses.

♥︎paypal.me/pools/c/87lRidKXWt 

The major expenses, which we can’t afford anymore, are Janavi’s mounting home-care expenses and uncovered medical expenses.  Almost all of her medications are not covered by Medicaid. She has been declared disabled by the government but can’t get help with long term care from Medicaid, basically because she is not living on the street.  She can only walk short distances and can only stand up for 30 seconds at a stretch.   

♥︎ Please help. Please give as much as you can and help us find 350 to give $100. ♥︎

♥︎paypal.me/pools/c/87lRidKXWt

I love my beautiful little sister.  I want her to get her life back so badly.  Please help me save her.

Best Wishes,

Sue Held

30336320_1528488374813225_r
Janavi weighing 91 pounds

❥Our God-mother wrote this about Janavi

♥︎paypal.me/pools/c/87lRidKXWt

A graduate of Goddard College, where she studied poetry, photography and media, Janavi Held was an up-and-coming writer and photographer when she was stricken at age 46 with an illness that now, six years later, is still debilitating her so that she cannot walk up or down stairs without help, she can only walk short distances around the house, and can only stand up for less than a minute at a time, and can’t sit in a car, or cook. She made the usual traditional medical rounds, tests, consultations and treatments, plus sessions with a myriad of healers and herbal remedies, but to no avail. Her condition has been labeled Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and Internal Adhesions, but nothing has been able to ease her constant pain or progressive weakness.

Last fall her condition worsened, the pain increased and her weight plummeted to 95 pounds. After an ambulance ride to the hospital, a forty-eight hour stay and a whole battery of tests, she left the hospital in worse pain; they could do nothing for her. 

Two and a half ago her sister Sue took Janavi her into her home in Colorado and set up a bedroom for her. Sue works full time but devotes much of her time to Janavi’s care. Because of Janavi’s worsening condition (she can barely walk at all, is in constant pain, and using her arms has become very painful as well), they have been forced to pay a home care agency to take care of Janavi and support Sue with other household tasks. In order to pay for home care and cover incidental expenses, as well as uncovered medical expenses, they need at least $15,000 a year. Sue’s salary cannot cover this additional cost. The only coverage Janavi has is Medicaid. 

Janavi is such a talented, spiritual soul. During these years of her illness, Janavi took refuge in her practice of Bhakti yoga which she had embarked on when she was nineteen. Her faith and persistence enabled her to write Letters to My Oldest Frienda book of poetry and photography.  This book of poems and photography that she produced in the years since her disease struck are so beautiful. In 2017, two of her poems were shortlisted for the prestigious Hamilton House International Poetry Prize and where included in a book entitled Eternity.

Now, she can barely type or read because of the persistent pain. These sisters, whose parents are gone, need help in order to survive.

Janavi refers to me as “her fairy godmother.”  I wish I had the power to disappear her pain.

~ Marcia Newfield

♥︎paypal.me/pools/c/87lRidKXWt

Janavi Held jpg

♥︎paypal.me/pools/c/87lRidKXWt

A message from Janavi

https://womenspiritualpoetry.blogspot.com/2018/06/i-am-still-here-by-janavi-held.html

Janavi held
Photographic Collage by Janavi Held

~More of Janavi’s art and writing~

https://www.facebook.com/LetterstoMyOldestFriendbyJanaviHeld/
https://letterstomyoldestfriend.com
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/17044508.Janavi_Held
https://www.youtube.com/user/janavi108/featured
https://theunattachedair.wordpress.com

https://www.instagram.com/janavi108/
https://twitter.com/Janavi108
https://www.gofundme.com/saving-janavi

https://womenspiritualpoetry.blogspot.com/search?q=Janavi

Link to her book on amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Letters-Oldest-Friend-Janavi-Held/dp/0986240338

♥︎Amazon author profile♥︎

https://www.amazon.com/Janavi-Held/e/B074CMRWB6/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1

 ❥ Please help us find 350 people able to give $100, so that we can reach our goal ❥

paypal.me/pools/c/87lRidKXWt

 

 ❥Thank you friends❥

Two Poems for Autumn by Janavi Held

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I’m Still Here

EDITOR’S NOTE:

(re-posted from: https://womenspiritualpoetry.blogspot.com/2018/06/i-am-still-here-by-janavi-held.html)

This was composed by a very gifted and beautiful soul: a regular contributor to our poetry project, and dear friend of mine, Janavi Held, whose life is gradually being taken from us by an incurable illness. She has been suffering from Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and Internal Adhesions for six painful years now, and neither her insurance nor the government healthcare will help her. She reaches out to us, her sisters, as a last plea. This is a poem she wrote yesterday on her birthday, in which she offers us the gift of her friendship. May it touch your generous hearts and inspire you to reach out to her in her plight.

Dear Friends,

The last time I was able to leave the house was by ambulance on my way to the hospital. After many long hours in the emergency room I was admitted and taken upstairs. After everyone left I sat on the hospital bed, knees to chest, bracing my body against the pain and trembling.

The light of this cold day was fading. I turned my eyes to the large window, a window I hadn’t seen before, as it seems I’ve been looking out the same window for years; at the same trees and sky and flowers, the seasons changing and rolling by, folding into each other. But, this evening as I gazed out this new window I tried to look beyond the gray of the hospital roof in front of me, I looked as far as I could see out at a bit of sky and the dimming, blue, winter light. In the distance the I saw the ever-faithful view of the Rocky Mountains also dressed in blue sparkling lights, and white sparks of snow and ice glimmered in the the fading light. Now –in this quiet moment– wet, warm tears rolled down my face as I remembered a line from a poem a by a dear friend:

“Unveil yourself of your flesh shield/and let your spirit out into the dance.”

I cast my glance into the wind, chasing after it, and the beauty of the fading light, as I felt the dingy walls of the hospital collapse. And for a moment I was free. Weeping sweet tears I feel asleep.

When I was nineteen and took up the practice of Bhakti-Yoga, I was told by a dear friend that in ancient Vedic times gifts where given to others’ on one’s birthday. So, today I give you the gift of a poem about friendship.

I AM STILL HERE

Life speaks in turns

and listens

love comes out of season

even unbidden

and I find in you

a love that stays

long after

the light has gone away

and flowers have closed

their precious eyes

I am still here alive

listening to the sounds

and sometimes the cries

and visions of your life

you’ve shared

with me they drench

my eyes

with your sweet smile

in you I see the heart of

mother earth

as you have loved her

from your birth

she sings through your eyes

and dances in your heart

as you write and paint and

dance your life into art

to you my friend I lend my heart

for life

for I treasure Yours

and keep her safe

where time does not decay

and love never falls away.

~

(I wish I could write more, but I can’t type well anymore; these words were dictated).

My Sister Sue, my God-mother, Marcia, and my cousin Erica, have started a fundraiser. If you are inclined please share the link widely, we are dependent on all of you to spread it around, as our resources are limited. Click this link to help. We would be most grateful.

Wishing you all peace & much love

~Janavi Held

Janavi Held started writing poetry and wandering around with her father’s camera as a child.  At the age of nineteen, she began practicing Bhakti yoga. She holds a bachelor’s degree from Goddard College where she studied poetry, photography, and media studies.  She is author of Letters to my Oldest Friend: A Book of Poetry and Photography and in 2017 two of hers poems were shortlisted for the prestigious Hamilton House International Poetry prize and were included in a book titled Eternity. Her poetry also appears in several anthologies that emerged from the Journey of the Heart Poetry Project, to which she has been a regular contributor, and is featured in the Bhakti Blossoms anthology on poetry by contemporary women in the Bhakti tradition.

*For submission guidelines, click here.*
Janavi held.jpg

Hammond House’s 2017 INTERNATIONAL LITERARY PRIZE: Both of my entered poems where short listed. The theme of the competition was ETERNAL

Some months ago I entered 2 of my poems into Hammond House’s  2017 INTERNATIONAL LITERARY PRIZE. The theme of the competition  was ETERNAL
Both of my poems where short listed. You can pre-order a copy of the anthology  created with all the winning and shortlisted poems here:
To see the list of winners
For more info in Hammond House:
Thank you to Ted Stanley and and all the folks at Hammond House for all they do for the literary Arts.
image

Hide a book day with The Book Fairies!

#Goodreads is celebrating its tenth anniversary and today is #hideabookday! They have gotten together with The Book Fairies, who have been hiding books all over the world! I had my own personal book fairy Karen R Tarnower take two copies of my recently published book of poetry and photography and hide them. I hope they find their way to many poetry lovers!

Here are a few reviews of the book:

In praise of Letters to My Oldest Friend

Like many God-inspired poets of India’s Bhakti or devotional past (Mirabai and Chandidas come easily to mind), Janavi Held—writer, photographer, cineaste, observer of small miracles—chronicles the arrhythmia of a heart in love with Divinity. Letters to My Oldest Friend is a revelation. In elegant, spare verse and contemplative visual imagery, she gently cautions that we are victims of speeding postmodernism at risk of losing our souls, and that we will find the tools of our salvation in the quiet, unassuming details of everyday life. Here is a much needed roadmap to our inner geography, chartered by a gifted voice of conscience and our own better selves. Read, look, savor, and be inspired.

Joshua M. Greene
author, Swami in a Strange Land: How Krishna Came to the West 2016

In her beautiful debut collection of poems, Janavi Held takes us on a journey of awakening, as she explores the ways in which her relationships with struggle, time, nature and beauty in this world, relate to her burgeoning relationship with the divine. From a restless: “there are so many stories in my lost heart” to the epilogue’s triumphant: “the heart speaks softly now,” her poems and photographs artistically chart the course of a soul moving gracefully through existential angst, as revealed to us in this prayerful dialogue with her “oldest friend”.

Catherine Schweig
Founder of Journey of the Heart Poetry Project
Editor of Poetry as a Spiritual Practice (Golden Dragonfly Press, 2016)

“Letters to My Oldest Friend” is a classic spiritual journey, starting with the anguish of her losses – of mobility, of mind (she says, but the poem belies it), “wrapped in a blanket of thorns”, then to the longing for the spirit, the Friend, and finally a joyous reunion with spirit through nature. I read these poems almost with tears. I also thought of how poems like these, especially the opening ones, could create compassion in the reader for all the sick and disabled from whom we tend to avert our gaze. Janavi Held’s language is beautiful and evocative, as when she writes, “remembering is a lost art/in the mind of these misshapen times.” The book is, quite simply, a gem.

Nina Klippel
author,”Tricks of The Light and Other Poems”, 2010
editor, The Village Zendo Bulletin

Available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Letters-Oldest-Friend-J…/…/0986240338

and Apple iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/…/letters-to-my-olde…/id1273048675…

 

 IMG_1713

I wish I had Wings

I wish I had wings
I’d leave this prison
of gravity behind
and go up and up
grazing the tops of
dazzling green trees
swaying in the wind
I’d soar through
the mists of bright clouds
breathing in freedom
and moist particles
of fog and rain
I’d turn my face
to the sun
warm
warming
my insides
breaking the prison
of flesh and bone
wide open
I’d bathe in sweet
moon rays
and drink
the dust of stars
filling my heart
with ancient light
I’d look down
at the swarming
earth, but I’d never
look back.

Janavi Held © 2017


Break & Fly Free

“Letters to My Oldest Friend” is now available on Amazon

Purchase now on Amazon

Reviews

In praise of Letters to My Oldest Friend

Like many God-inspired poets of India’s Bhakti or devotional past (Mirabai and Chandidas come easily to mind), Janavi Held—writer, photographer, cineaste, observer of small miracles—chronicles the arrhythmia of a heart in love with Divinity. Letters to My Oldest Friend is a revelation. In elegant, spare verse and contemplative visual imagery, she gently cautions that we are victims of speeding postmodernism at risk of losing our souls, and that we will find the tools of our salvation in the quiet, unassuming details of everyday life. Here is a much needed roadmap to our inner geography, chartered by a gifted voice of conscience and our own better selves. Read, look, savor, and be inspired.

Joshua M. Greene
author, Swami in a Strange Land: How Krishna Came to the West 2016

 

In her beautiful debut collection of poems, Janavi Held takes us on a journey of awakening, as she explores the ways in which her relationships with struggle, time, nature and beauty in this world, relate to her burgeoning relationship with the divine. From a restless: “there are so many stories in my lost heart” to the epilogue’s triumphant: “the heart speaks softly now,” her poems and photographs artistically chart the course of a soul moving gracefully through existential angst, as revealed to us in this prayerful dialogue with her “oldest friend”.

 Catherine L. Schweig
Founder of Journey of the Heart Poetry Project Editor of Poetry as a Spiritual Practice (Golden Dragonfly Press, 2016)

“Letters to My Oldest Friend” is a classic spiritual journey, starting with the anguish of her losses – of mobility, of mind (she says, but the poem belies it), “wrapped in a blanket of thorns”, then to the longing for the spirit, the Friend, and finally a joyous reunion with spirit through nature. I read these poems almost with tears. I also thought of how poems like these, especially the opening ones, could create compassion in the reader for all the sick and disabled from whom we tend to avert our gaze. Janavi Held’s language is beautiful and evocative, as when she writes, “remembering is a lost art/in the mind of these misshapen times.”  The book is, quite simply, a gem.

Nina Mermey Klippel
author,”Tricks of The Light and Other Poems”, 2010
editor, The Village Zendo Bulletin

 

Book Trailer

 

 

 

Mockup - png with lotus

“Letters to My Oldest Friend” is now available on Amazon in hardcover & the softcover is available for pre-order

Purchase now on Amazon

Reviews

In praise of Letters to My Oldest Friend

Like many God-inspired poets of India’s Bhakti or devotional past (Mirabai and Chandidas come easily to mind), Janavi Held—writer, photographer, cineaste, observer of small miracles—chronicles the arrhythmia of a heart in love with Divinity. Letters to My Oldest Friend is a revelation. In elegant, spare verse and contemplative visual imagery, she gently cautions that we are victims of speeding postmodernism at risk of losing our souls, and that we will find the tools of our salvation in the quiet, unassuming details of everyday life. Here is a much needed roadmap to our inner geography, chartered by a gifted voice of conscience and our own better selves. Read, look, savor, and be inspired.

Joshua M. Greene
author, Swami in a Strange Land: How Krishna Came to the West 2016

 

In her beautiful debut collection of poems, Janavi Held takes us on a journey of awakening, as she explores the ways in which her relationships with struggle, time, nature and beauty in this world, relate to her burgeoning relationship with the divine. From a restless: “there are so many stories in my lost heart” to the epilogue’s triumphant: “the heart speaks softly now,” her poems and photographs artistically chart the course of a soul moving gracefully through existential angst, as revealed to us in this prayerful dialogue with her “oldest friend”.

 Catherine L. Schweig
Founder of Journey of the Heart Poetry Project Editor of Poetry as a Spiritual Practice (Golden Dragonfly Press, 2016)

“Letters to My Oldest Friend” is a classic spiritual journey, starting with the anguish of her losses – of mobility, of mind (she says, but the poem belies it), “wrapped in a blanket of thorns”, then to the longing for the spirit, the Friend, and finally a joyous reunion with spirit through nature. I read these poems almost with tears. I also thought of how poems like these, especially the opening ones, could create compassion in the reader for all the sick and disabled from whom we tend to avert our gaze. Janavi Held’s language is beautiful and evocative, as when she writes, “remembering is a lost art/in the mind of these misshapen times.”  The book is, quite simply, a gem.

Nina Mermey Klippel
author,”Tricks of The Light and Other Poems”, 2010
editor, The Village Zendo Bulletin

 

Book Trailer

 

 

 

Mockup - png with lotus

Look a Little Harder

Look a Little Harder
For value
in the heart
underneath
the skin
in the eyes
bright
the designs
clouds make
at the love
even if it’s far
at the moon
sliver, at
the way
the light
rises at dawn
look a little
harder
the love
is there
perhaps
under a
mossy rock
in the
churning
river water
or in the
dark of
midnight
blankets
of star-shine
against
a canvas
of black
light, there
somewhere
is beauty
in the wind
moving through
veiny leaves
shimmering
in the sun
as it soaks
into the
parched
earth, there
perhaps
at dawn
when the sky
exhales and
gently spreads
its light
sliding across
the horizon
spilling
onto rooftops
and sleepy
eyes, there
some love
creeps
shyly, there
in the restless
waves, deep
in an ocean
blue, florescent
fish roam
and the light
sinks deep
golden patters
caress the
the watery
floor, incandescent
eyes flourish
in this
luminous, vast
mystery, there
is some value
within the
sounds of
a summer
rain, so
sweet, there
in the sky
thunderous
blue light
cracking
the ether
churning
the sky
the clouds
into the
shape
of wind
blossoming
flowers
in your heart
the soul
measureless
spark of
dazzling love
there you are.

~ Janavi Held © 2017

Translucent.

Out on This Natural limb

Out on This Natural limb

 

On the ends

of wind-waving branches

I build my residence

watching all manner

of creatures grow into living

the fragrance of the wind

carrying pollen and ozone

feeds my inner ocean

as long fingers of sunlight reach

the vast expanse of my seeing.

Out on this natural limb

I wait for morning

clinging to the inside

of the earth’s desires.

 

~Janavi Held © 2017

Flying

Soaked

Soaked

 

A dead sea soaks

in memory

its form

now shapeless

has far to go

to be lost to

the little bits of

thought still

swimming its

dry banks.

 

My thoughts swell

memories tremble there

old incomplete sentences

structured in timeless

yawning, titanic clouds

blocking the realness of

now.

 

Janavi Held © 2017

 

Watching

Horizon

Horizon

 

I move too

as the waves

pierce the horizon

that distance

unattainable

longs for me as well

to embellish my ears

with wind

to swallow my eyes

inside that insatiable horizon.

 

Janavi Held © 2017

 

Birds and Beaches